On getting ICL eye surgery and surviving the year of our Lord 2020

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eye wish you a merry christmas n a happy new year

He told me to breathe in and out slowly, and stare into the light. It was blindingly beautiful; little by little, it morphed into a shimmering triangle of light, like a sliver of blue sky with blazing golden edges, the brightest blue sky I have ever known. I thought, this is what the people in Plato’s cave allegory must have seen when they first stepped out of their cave. Or did they never leave their cave in that story? I wondered, as I inhaled another lungful of laughing gas.

There were vague gray shadows all around, and I noted the…


How do you fix loneliness?

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show me the meaning of beeeeeing lonely♫

In a culture in which singles, herbivore men, and old people are abound and overflowing, there is a list of various activities that people rattle off to each other in order to determine the level of independence they have achieved. Can you eat ramen by yourself? Karaoke? Watch a movie at a theater? Sip a cool G&T or perhaps an Old Fashioned at a bar? Go out for yakiniku, grill each individual piece of meat at a shichirin for one? And what, pray tell, are your thoughts on solo travel?

In other words, how comfortable are you with your own…


An inspiring journey of a young woman’s life, based on a true story

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i’m so lonelyyyyy / i’m mr. lonelyyyyyyy🎶

Hey there, it’s me again. I no longer count the days and have lost all concept of time, which was merely a social construct invented by human beings and fictional to begin with. Today is Monday and also Thursday and Sunday all at once, and I woke up a few minutes or hours ago and therefore venture a guess that it may still be before noon but I would not swear my life upon it; it could very well be before sunset.

My eyelash extensions are falling off rapidly with every passing day, like petals off a flower, and everyone…


Only 1,016 cases and counting, can you believe? Me neither.

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baby i would die for youuuuu~🎶

Hello, it’s me. Dearest reader, by the time you read this digital fragment documenting the last days of my existence, I will be long gone. But for now, I am tentatively alive: my pantry is stocked with 12 packets of instant Shin Ramyun and enough oatmeal to feed an army of toothless men, my bathroom cabinet chock-full of one-ply toilet paper that I have borrowed (never to return) from my current place of employment, and my poor pampered ass scrubbed red and raw, indignant at suffering such low-quality material. But my ass and I, we must persevere.

Today, too, I…


Table for one, please

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world is your oyster, etc.
  1. Overcoming the shame of dining alone, my skin is very thick now, and it is quite nice to slowly savor a meal with a cold, frothy pint or perhaps a glass of red while reading a book,
  2. Wine is cheaper than water here, so why the hell not; I am perpetually drunk and dehydrated
  3. My habit of glancing underneath cars as I walk quickly by, thinking of that video in sixth grade health class that warned us against the dangers of men who lurked underneath cars to slit the ankles of unsuspecting passersby to shock and weaken them momentarily, before…


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more words pls

I wonder if there’s a word in a language to describe that uniquely torturous experience of mingling at a party with a drink in hand, gulping it down at an alarming speed, body weight to alcohol ratio be damned, spitting out a sentence or two but with a dawning acceptance that this conversation cannot be salvaged and thus you nod jerkily at each other to acknowledge its inevitable death, maybe emit a few more empty pleasantries of promising to “catch up soon” that are not meant to be followed up on, before you each pivot on heel to avert your…


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pick your own adventure

I have a professed love-hate relationship with movies that have open endings or a distinct lack of concrete resolution. Specifically, Blue is the Warmest Color, Moonlight, La La Land, and In The Mood For Love, all movies that have beautifully bittersweet endings that make the most sense for the movie aesthetically and in terms of story, perhaps, but nonetheless succeed in frustrating the hell out of me, your average viewer, who wants nothing more than a neat, happy Hollywood ending delivered to me on a platter instead of involuntarily plunging headlong into a brief bout of mild depression; I end…


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don’t worry beeeeeeee happy

The presumed goal is to be in a state of perpetual happiness. To broadcast only your happiness, because it isn’t fashionable to reveal your weaknesses. To tell someone that you’re feeling lonely or sad is not particularly sexy. Ironically quipping that you want to die or wish someone would run you over with a truck, preferably in meme form, however, is permissible. Public displays of negative emotion are not welcome, a definite no thank you.

But despite all the self-help books that promise foolproof guides to achieving and maintaining a state of perfect, pristine happiness, it’s just not realistic. It’s…


Why is Defining Shit so stigmatized?

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several shades of gray

Act 1 — our first dinner-not-date together, and he brought up the subject of girls who wanted to define things after a few dates and laughed at the absurdity of it all, females wanting to Define Shit and immediately slap labels onto something after merely spending a handful of hours together in the practical pursuit of obtaining nourishment and getting just tipsy enough to numb the awkwardness of it all. I laughed along at these silly girls, because obviously I was not one of these girls.

I laughed and I laughed, and kept all my feelings inside and needless to…


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paint with all the colors of the raaaaainboooww♫

About a year ago, a man I affectionately dubbed “Nail Biter” for his maladaptive Freudian oral fixations was making small talk expertly as salarymen are wont to do, as we were waiting for our train. He informed a group of us how he had numerous gay friends — though he denied vehemently that he himself was gay, unprompted — and how he and his friends had once decided to meet up for dinner, but he’d arrived at the meeting place early and found that his two other gay friends, a couple, were the only ones there yet. He joked that…

Mo

just a lil peach in Tokyo

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